Nothing is permanent. What people can do is try to make it last by working on it. We love because that’s what people do-build relationships. They try to find that one person who fits them well—or at least someone who may not be the perfect fit, but is willing to work on whatever it is they have. Totoo yun, that question nags me—why can’t we just love the one who loves us? We always seem to go for the one who doesn’t want us back—suntok sa buwan.
Love sometimes seems like this wild goose chase that everyone just jumps into wholeheartedly without fear. But in the end, we are usually left hurt and bitter. But the thing is, while it was nice, while everything seemed to work out, we were happy, we only become bitter and feel regret afterwards when it doesn’t work out.
But isn’t that what loving is all about? When you’re young, you can put aside all thoughts of being practical. We’re all so new at this that we’re not afraid to take risks, we’re not meant to settle for anything because being ideal is what defines being young—you don’t settle for anything less—meron kang gusto and you’re not afraid to go for it and inevitably, getting hurt is part of that process. It’s up to the person to weigh his options—is it better for him to feel temporary happiness or none at all? Mas okay bang walang pain (pero wala ring love)? Either way, there’s something missing. Siguro paminsan, depende kung paano mo tignan, mas okay na nafeel mo yung thrill na meron kang kasama even for a while. Then you just feel the pain, grow numb, get used to it, and move on.
--03.15.11
Labels: random thought
{Monday, June 13, 2011} 22:41
When you get older, you realize that things aren't as simple as they say it is in all those fairytales and story books with "and they lived happily ever after" always written in fancy script when you reach the last page. You realize that you're not Briar Rose, and you won't prick your finger and fall into a deep slumber only to be woken by a kiss from a handsome prince. You realize that life isn't laid out as simple as in those fairytales, coming one after another. You realize that reality is more complicated than how it is in all those story books.
You learn soon enough that bad things don't always come in the form of the evil witch. Sometimes, they have a nice smile and perfect teeth, are smart and fun to be with, and seem as perfect as the Prince Charmings they write about in the fairy tales and story books.
Sometimes they make promises they'll never keep.
And they don't always come to save the day. They don't always come to whisk you away into the sunset to live happily ever after. Sometimes, they leave you broken and unhappy. Sometimes, they come and go so fast, and you will wonder endlessly if it was all in your mind. They'll leave, and there's nothing you can do but watch them ride away into the sunset, staring after them until they become nothing more than a tiny dot, lost among the many moving shadows in the horizon.
And you may look on for hours, days, or weeks, but soon enough, you'll learn that some people leave, and they don't always come back. You learn that things change, as they always will, and you can't wait forever anymore.
--04.26.11
{Thursday, May 12, 2011} 21:41
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss how things were. Because I do. You were always something anybody could get used to having around--almost like a security blanket that I ran back to whenever I felt that I was on unsafe ground, a constant reminder that whenever things would fall apart in my life, there would always be that one person who could make sense out of everything.
I listened because you talked with so much clarity, you always seemed so sure of everything, and I was the complete opposite--I was confused, conflicted, never sure of anything. I needed that confidence you always had, the self-assured way that you went about life.
I guess I was wrong. Because the last thing I needed, was to believe in empty words and promises. The last thing I needed, was to feel safe in a place that was anything but safe. The last thing I needed, was to feel things that would never mean anything in the end.
--05.12.11
{Wednesday, April 27, 2011} 20:32
★ The Fix
The past few weeks have been a bit rough on me, and Holy Week was just the break I needed. I was finally able to go to mass and learned a lot from it, too. I also finally got around to checking my email after a loooong hiatus, and I got an email from my aunt in Germany which just seemed to come in response to all the hurt and frustration I've been going through recently:
'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
God gave me some sort of answer on Easter Sunday, on the day of celebrating new life. So maybe I can work on this at my own pace. So maybe I won't have to be so damaged forever. In time, I can start anew, just like everybody else. :)
Happy Easter!
--04.27.11
{Saturday, April 23, 2011} 22:14
I don't exist to feed your ego. My feelings don't exist for you. So maybe you should stop taking me for granted. Just thought you should know.
--11.24.10
{Friday, April 22, 2011} 15:03
Do you ever get that feeling when thoughts invade your head and you have nowhere else to put them? Images flash before your mind's eye, the warmth of feelings and emotions so fresh, the words at the tip of your tongue, with nobody to say them to? And in the midst of all that, there is the outpouring of words. This--is what it's all about. The random musings and ideas, the suddent flash of insight, the words that cut across my mind in the most unexpected of moments, the images I see when I put my eye before the viewfinder, and press the shutter without a second thought. This is my mind and heart taking flight. This is the collection of thoughts and memories that sum up what goes on in my not-so-exciting life--some of them old, some of them new, some I've kept with me for years and some I've had a few seconds ago. Enjoy the ride. :)
--04.22.11
